In my recent trip back to New York, I did my best to see my family as much as humanly possible. That said, I made time to see some dear friends, and I’m so glad I did. One particular friend is someone I’ve known since I was in the 7th grade. She’s one of those friends who I see damn near every time I’m home, but we don’t always talk a lot when I’m not there. It’s okay, though, because we pick up right where we left off each and every time.
I went to the local Elks Lodge to meet up with her. The Elks Lodge where she, her boyfriend, and his best friend are members. His best friend who happens to be my ex. When we agreed to meet up there, she let me know the boys weren’t going to be present, but that my ex’s new girlfriend would be. The petty side of me probably should have been upset, but I was actually quite excited to meet her.
For some background, he and I dated in high school, broke up when I went to college, he got married young and it ended in divorce, and from Dec 2015-May 2016, we tried to make it work again…and it obviously did not. Our communication styles are polar opposites, I was (at the time) 5 hours away from our hometown, and I had no intention of moving home while he had no intention of leaving. Add to that both of us being FUBAR from the relationships between high school and last December, and we were truly doomed before we started.
So anyway, the girls and I meet up, grab drinks, and I realize something very quickly: She is so much better for him than I was. I had such a good time with them, that I left, went to dinner with my family, and then went back again. (Let’s check in with Petty Mairead: FIGHT HER! KICK! SCREAM! CRY!) This time, he showed up, and he was so scared at the prospect of us hanging out that he wouldn’t even come over to our table at first. He eventually came over, and I kept my mouth shut. We have some unfinished business that I didn’t care to hash out in the middle of an Elks Lodge, plus, it was already kind of uncomfortable so let me not add to it. (Petty Mairead: CUSS HIM OUT! MAKE A SCENE! BITCH SLAP ‘EM ALL!)
As we were leaving, my friend and the new girlfriend walked me out. As we’re walking out the door, his girlfriend is giggling, saying, “My god, he’s so upset that you won’t speak to him.” I tried to backpeddle because OMGWTFWHATSHOULDISAY, and she stopped me. She then sealed the deal on the immense amount of respect I have for her. She looked at me and said, “You two have so much history. I can’t expect to change that and I don’t want to.” (Petty Mairead: Is this some kind of trap?) I was stunned. This is the woman who shares a life with the person who, for a while, I thought I’d be spending the rest of my life with. And in what could have been one hell of an awkward evening for her, she’s trying to make me feel better.
Is that what it means to be an adult, you guys? Recognizing that sometimes shit just doesn’t work out, and that doesn’t mean you can’t move forward from it? Being able to see that just because you weren’t the right fit doesn’t mean someone else isn’t perfect for someone?
We went on to talk a bit about how I still care for him, and she recognized that, duh, you don’t usually know someone for a decade and just stop caring about their well-being. We also laughed at the fact that he and I will be good as soon as I get an apology, and she let me know that I probably shouldn’t hold my breath (which I already knew). Maybe the next step in this adulting thing will be to accept the apology that I’m never going to get, but let’s take all this business one baby-step at a time.
All in all, I consider myself a pretty mature person…unless I’m with my brothers, or watching anything by Happy Madison Films, or with my best friend…but yeah, pretty mature. That said, I can hold a grudge like it’s nothing and am really good at running my mouth first and thinking about what I said later. That night could have gone 1,001 different ways, and it ended up going the best and least expected way possible. From the Queen of grudge-holding, I’m here to tell you that it’s possible to move on and act like an adult. Now, my adulting meter is full for the month, so I’ll see y’all after I fill up some of these coloring books.
Til next time,