Whole-Ass Everything

(Warning to my SA Pro friends: If you’re all about student development theories and all that jazz, this blog will probably bother you. In the terms of our dear friend Perry, this is a very dualistic post #SorryNotSorry)

I’ve been thinking about who I am as a person a lot lately, and I’ve had a realization about myself: I’m a bit of an “all-or-nothing” kind of individual. If I’m going to invest myself in something, I’m going all-in, feet-first, no-turning-back. There are some things I’m lazy about (examples include folding laundry, unloading the dishwasher, and learning to contour my makeup because wtf?), but for the most part, you’re getting all of me or none of me. As I’m learning this more and more about myself, I’ve been thinking about what this looks like in different areas of my life.


In Friendships

I like to think I’m a pretty low maintenance friend. I’m still connected with a lot of the people I went to high school with, not insofar as talking every day, week, or even month, but they know that if they need anything, I’m here and vice versa. And when we see each other? Well damn. We still like to act like we’re 16…which is a problem because we are not, in fact, that young anymore.

I also expect the same from any friend, whether I’ve known you since I was 3 or if I met you 3 days ago. If we click, we click. If you need me, I’m here, and if I need you, I want the same thing. Prime examples from the last month: After I blogged about my grandma, my best from from YWCA day care days texted me. We hadn’t talked in probably two months, but it was exactly what I needed. Last weekend, I called a friend from the gym whose number I’d had for all of 48 hours and deposited a dog on his doorstep that I found on the side of the highway. I hope both these people (and anyone else I know) know that I’d do the same for them in a heartbeat because that’s what friendship means to me: whole-ass it. Unconditionally.

In Relationships

If my ass went up half a size for all the half-assed relationships I’ve either been in or thought about being in, I’d look like a botched plastic surgery case study, y’all. This one just blows my whole entire mind. I can’t wrap my head around ever getting into a relationship where you aren’t ready to work with and for that person every single day. I see so many people my age getting into relationships where they’re immediately or very quickly unhappy, but they feel like they have to do it because we’re on the downslide to 30. What.The.Actual.Fuck? Maybe I’m the odd one out here, but I’d rather be perfectly happy by myself than with someone who takes my happiness away. That’s not to say relationships aren’t going to experience issues. I’ve seen lots of other people my age work through some really tough shit with their significant others; props to you! But working through it and staying because you think you “should” or “have to” are two very different things.

At the Gym

Oh sweet 6 pound, 4 ounce baby Jesus, I could go on about this all day. Being wholly invested into my health and wellness doesn’t mean I go into the gym everyday and bang out PR after PR. Nope, sometimes it means showing up in a foul mood, working through it, and going home to try again the next day. Other days it means going in and saying, “Damn it, Carlos, I want to him my 1RM today…let’s do this shit.” I’d love to be able to do that every single day, but strength isn’t built that way. The people I have the most respect for in the gym (which is damn near everyone in my own gym) are the ones who come in on good, bad, and ugly days and bust their asses regardless. And let’s be real, all of our whole-asses look a lot nicer when we work hard, AMIRIGHT?!

At Work

Sure, there are days where I leave having not done every last bit of paperwork that could be completed, but that’s pretty normal. When I think about being all-in at work, it means that I truly do my best to see every student as an individual and hear them for who they are. Yes, we read reports before they come in, and yes, we have an idea of their alleged bad behavior, but I do my best to truly hear out every student and make sure that they get the same investigation as everyone else. I never want a student to feel like our process–or worse, me as a professional–was unfair to them. That requires a serious investment of time and energy into every single person that walks into my office.

This also means being willing to learn and take on new tasks. When a coworker was out and someone was needed for what’s turned into a monster-sized investigation, I stepped in and said okay. It was my first investigation of that magnitude, but what was the alternative? Leave the work for her? Nah, that’s not my style. When my supervisor asked me about doing academic integrity cases (re: cheating, plagiarism, etc.) at the beginning of the semester, I hopped on it. It’s not the most glamorous, but it has made me one hell of a Student Conduct professional.

Like I said at the beginning, there are some things I could work on whole-assing a little better. Chores around the house, looking like a presentable human being in the morning (re: hair and make up), getting up after just the first…or second snooze button, and a slew of other things. None of this is to sound holier-than-thou because we all have things to work on. However, this is to say that if you’re going to be part of my experience, expect to be whole-assed and be ready to do the same.

Til next time,



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