So for my regular readers, you’ve probably notice a more positive tone to my blogs in the last few months. I haven’t completely reevaluated my life or any of that nonsense, I just realized a few things that helped change my outlook. First, I lived in a beautiful location all summer that allowed to relax and refresh myself before coming back to Texas. Second, upon coming back to Texas, I realized that I only had 10 months left here, and I could either let the previous year’s bullshit continue to irritate me, or I could make the most of the time I had left. Third, I had finally, after a year of being away from home, found the balance in missing my family and looking forward to when I would see them next.
For many people, this has made me come off as much more positive, I guess. Like I said, I don’t really feel much different, but I have been working on letting the little things roll off as opposed to allowing them to irritate me. One thing that I have yet to learn to deal with positively is people who are not true to themselves (re: fake). I understand that life is all about finding yourself and learning about who you are…yeah…something cliche like that. I don’t know if I just come from a family that allowed me to find myself at a very young age and fostered that independent mindset in me early on, or if I’m just so bullheaded that I need to know who I am before I can understand others, but I’m realizing that people my age (and older) have no f-ing idea who they are.
Let me pause. When I say I know who I am, that isn’t to say that I’m opposed to change. I’m no so dead set on loving myself (I mean, it really is awesome to be me…) that I can’t fathom changing something about myself. I’m not trying to look down on everyone from up on this self-loving pony I ride everyday. I’m just saying that when people don’t know who they are, they seem to inevitably try to be something they’re not.
The most irritating of these “pretend” games that people play (in my opinion anyway) is when someone feigns positivity. I know, I know, there are some people in this world who are truly positive all the time. There’s a girl in my cohort who is ALWAYS happy and always able to find the silver lining in a situation. When I think of “positivity” I really do think of her. Unfortunately, I know a lot of people who like to say they’re positive like she is because…let’s be real…people can say whatever the hell they want. I could sit here and tell you that I’m so positive the sun shines out my ass and every time I blink a unicorn is born, but then if I’m a Negative Nancy all the time, how would you look at me? Whether you admit it or not, I’d annoy the hell outta you (Enter here: The people who annoy the hell out of me).
I can see why people like to say they’re positive–if I introduced myself like, “My name’s Mairead and I’m so negative people say I ride my broom to work,” you probably wouldn’t want to hang out with me–but there’s a big gap between a 100% positive and a 100% negative person. I guess where I’m going with all of this is that you shouldn’t claim to be something you’re not. I do not claim to be a positive person at all. Y’all might perceive that based on this blog or knowing me in my personal life, but I don’t sit here and talk about my positivity. In fact, I’d rather have my current reputation of being a bitch remain because it then allows me change someone’s mind about me once they know me.
I think one of the best lessons I’ve been taught in this life is that I need to stay true to who I am. I think it was probably taught to me by my family, specifically my mom, aunts, and grandmother because I come from a long line of women who are perceived as bitches. Can we be? Absolutely. Are we always? Not at all. The women I call family are some of the kindest, most selfless women I’ve ever had the pleasure to know (though I supposed I’m a bit bias). Then again, one of my favorite actresses ever, Tina Fey, once said, “Bitches get stuff done,” so I guess that title isn’t so bad after all. At the end of the day, how I perceive others and how they perceive me are just that: perceptions. Unfortunately, I was also graced with the ability to see through bullshit, but alas, that’s a story for another time.
Moral of THIS story: Find yourself. Love yourself. Don’t pretend to be anyone you are not…that shit’s annoying.